November 4, 2006 § Leave a comment

“Bubonic?” you ask.

“No, worse,” I reply. “Plague 4: Arov. Flies.”

We have tiny fruit fly-like bugs that seem to be infesting the floorboards. Or the air. In fact, I have no idea where they’re from, and their mystery adds to the vexation. I hate fruit flies as much as the next girl, but these are much more annoying because they seem to be drawn to humans like flies to a carcass. Or, more self-flatteringly, like butterflies to a rose.

They follow me into the shower. They perch on the edge of my tea mug. They zip around my head and screen when I’m working. They sometimes venture as far as the bedroom, and they have aroused in me a murderous rage the likes of which I haven’t felt toward any other creature.

I tried to like them. They don’t bite us or eat our food, or do other visible damage, so they ought to fall into the category of bugs I don’t mind in the house, along with ants, crickets, and smaller spiders. But they just can’t seem to stick to their knitting and leave me alone.

Richard and I have tried killing them one-by-one, although frankly, I’m much better at this than my drug-addled husband*, but even when my daily casualty report is in the dozens— I can sometimes get them two-by-two— they just don’t quit. There’s been diatomaceous earth sprinkled in several locations throughout the house for four days now, and we removed the dehumidifier this morning after discovering eggs in the water chamber.

No effect so far. But, by golly, if they don’t start dying by the truckload all on their own by tomorrow, I may be moved to use some of the pretty new curse words I’m learning from the Deadwood DVDs.

*Pain meds! All prescription! Honest! I’m sure I’ll get into it someday, but probably when he’s not reading my blog daily. Because then he might correct my timeline or suggest that I’m painting a slightly inaccurate picture, and then I’ll have to explain to him that I am queen of this castle, but since he does all the coding around here, mine is a case riddled with holes, plus I’d rather not get into that tiff at present.

November 4, 2006; 10:44pm AST

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