Nobody’s Perfect**

August 29, 2007 § 2 Comments

Our house is on the horse-and-carriage tour loop for Lunenburg, and while our place isn’t a feature, it is a highlight for some because both Frank and Bob (horses, you understand) have decided that the spot right in front of my window is prime space for letting the turds fly. Of course, the drivers have a script for that.

“This is the best part of my job,” they say. “The souvenirs are free, if anyone is interested.”

Ho, ho, ho. That chestnut brings a chuckle from tourists at least 35% of the time.

So we always hear the same bit of the tour. Clip clop, clip clop coming up the street “…was built in 1874. Seven years later, his brother built his house next door; the two are. Nearly. Identical.”

At this point there are usually two or three cars behind the carriage that the driver waves by, or, again, the bathroom break. Anyway, there’s a lull in the tour, and often someone asks about real estate prices. Sensibly enough, because a third of residential Lunenburg is for sale, and another third is being spruced up for sale in the next year or two.

“So,” the tourist will say. “So, how much do houses around here go for?”

And every single time the driver will spout some horseshit(!) about how Lunenburg is very expensive by Nova Scotia standards, and I’ve never seen a house go for less than $250,000 in Lunenburg, and this one? This one right here? The one you’re pointing to? Well, that one wouldn’t go for anything under $500,000.

But, you see, Internet, I am connected to you. Fifty seconds of research and I find that the house across the street from us? The one they were pointing to? $279,000. NOT $500,000. And also, just down the street, there’s one for $215,000.

I’ll wait while you look at the interior shots. Nice, huh?

And another thing!

Tourist: What does UNESCO stand for? I know UN is United Nations, but what are the rest?
Driver: Well, actually, I don’t really know… [despite having been asked 32 times previously this summer alone]


Guys. Listen. United Nations Educational, Scientific, and Cultural Organization. They don’t keep it a secret.

But never mind. Sorry to have interrupted your rhythm.

“Have you ever seen a bear in a tree? Look to your left, there he is. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the smallest church in Lunenburg…”

Having said all this, I would like to take the tour someday (it’s $35 for 30 minutes; not in the budget) just to see what they have to say about our other, uh, landmarks.

**Another bit of our tour involves a door that’s quite crooked in the frame. Last year they had a script about not knowing whether the architect had lost his square by the time he got to the door, or whether he was just shit-faced.

But! This year! They mixed it up! One older fellow always tells his group that “it just goes to show you, nobody’s perfect” while a younger girl comes by proclaiming it’s the architect’s signature. And I just don’t know who to believe.

§ 2 Responses to Nobody’s Perfect**

  • You and Richard make me want to move to Nova Scotia. Or at least visit. Then my photographs will look professional too.

    P.S. Damn, I have to jump through circus hoops to leave a comment!

  • kristina says:

    Well, thanks, Stephen. We do live in a pretty spot, but I’ve seen too many lovely photos of Rhineland-Pfaltz— both on Flickr and that you’ve taken yourself— to believe you can’t take “pro” shots, too. Having said that, I’m sure you’d get a warm welcome if you did drop by our little pocket of the globe. 🙂

    Sorry about the circus hoops… I didn’t have to register. Richard is looking into it.

    Thanks for commenting!

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