We can walk from here to there. Say! We can walk to ANYWHERE!

I’ve been interested in resenting Walk Score the past few weeks. It’s supposed to be a tool for potential home buyers and renters to evaluate the neighborhood they’re considering. Just type your address into the search box and hit enter, and it tots up the various amenities a walkable distance (roughly a mile) from your home and it spits out a numeric score from one to 100. It takes into consideration grocery stores, restaurants, libraries, parks, book stores, cinemas, and so on. It’s a terrific idea, but, for us, anyway, it doesn’t work.

The neighborhood I grew up in gets a Walkscore of 0. Fair enough. Our old neighborhood in downtown Halifax scores 78. Looks pretty accurate. Our new neighborhood in Lunenburg scores 45. And that’s preposterous.

Clearly they’re working out of an outdated directory at Walkscore, because the first place listed is Atlantic Dutch Mart— allegedly a grocer. I’ve never heard of this franchise (I assume it’s a franchise), even having lived in Nova Scotia for most of seven years. We moved here more than a year ago, and the grocery store in question has been an Atlantic SaveEasy at least since May 2006. And shouldn’t there be extra points for having the liquor store attached? Although they don’t have the right grocery name, they have (maliciously?) noted that Lunenburg Hardware has moved out of the Old Town and into a hideous building vacated by the NSLC. Most inaccurately of all among the listings, they cite Wormwood’s Dog & Monkey Cinema in Halifax as the closest movie theater— but to get there, you’d have to travel through both space and time, since it closed in 1994, sadly.

They do get some things right, like the clothing stores and pharmacies in town. But the Knaut-Rhuland House, a museum, is listed as a bar. All of the mediocre restaurants— Big Red’s Pizza, the Grand Banker— are here, but they’re missing the decent, not to mention upscale, dining rooms. In fact, what bothers me most is what’s missing.

I’ve pasted together a bunch of Google Maps and put it on Flickr, noting all the bits and pieces Walkscore missed.

Elizabeth’s Books, a venerable used-book store owned by an enterprising Scot— is located barely two blocks from our house, but mysteriously absent from Walkscore. It lists a Tim Horton’s 1.57 km away as the nearest coffee shop, but misses Historic Grounds Coffee Shop, Sweet Sensations Cafe, and Sweet Moments Cafe; all locally-owned, and all closer than Ti-Ho’s.

The closest park is listed as Second Peninsula Provincial Park, 12 km away. Anyone who’s ever been to Lunenburg knows it’s all parks! Ready? One on the town common, complete with gazebo and playground (with seesaws!); acres and acres of open space on Blockhouse Hill; a tiny park by the waterfront dedicated to the town’s lost sailors; plus the waterfront itself. There’s another park behind the fire station with another playground (that one has a merry-go-round!) and a stage; and yet another playground-park combo just yards away, next to the public tennis courts. The Lunenburg Rebekahs (or some such) have another tiny park planted at the spot the Germans first came ashore from Halifax at the far end of Pelham Street, and six miles of multi-use trail rings the peninsula.

And that’s not even counting my favorite green space: the Old Burying Grounds next to Lunenburg Academy.

As for cinemas; no, we don’t have one. While there’s usually a monthly showing of a recent movie somewhere in town, the closest theater is in Bridgewater, and it shows mostly standard-issue Hollywood horro-action dramodies. We don’t even have a place to rent movies, aside from the library’s dismal collection.

But there’s still lots of opportunity for entertainment; but most of it doesn’t fit on a map. Some of our favorites* are Sunday afternoon concerts at the gazebo and the $5 concerts at Lunenburg Academy every third Tuesday night. And there’s still The Pearl Theatre to house concerts, operas and plays. And the drama club at Lunenburg High give fun performances, too. That’s all within walking distance.

And! If we stick it out long enough— say three, four more years?— the Lunenburg Opera House is going to open again, bringing independent and foreign films, another stage for music, and a recording studio right into the old town.

Schools aren’t listed on Walkscore, but in a town like this, with no public transportation, they must be walkable. And, not surprisingly, they are. Lunenburg Academy is noted on the Flickr map, up in the top left, while the junior high and high schools are about an inch and a half off the bottom left corner.

My point is this: anyone considering a move to this, the crown jewel of the South Shore, as Richard put it yesterday, could easily be put off by Walkscore. Coming from downtown Victoria, Kingston, or Kitchener-Waterloo where nothing is farther than arm’s length, you wouldn’t want to have to use a car to get a latté after dinner. But that’s what you’d have to do in Lunenburg, says Walkscore.

Humph, says I. This is probably the most walkable small town in Nova Scotia, and a score of 45 doesn’t do anyone justice.

*As everyone probably knows by now, our financial situation is marginal and we live hand-to-mouth. But there’s still plenty to do on the South Shore. I’ll do a South Shore on-the-cheap and not-so-cheap later this week.

Nobody’s Perfect**

Our house is on the horse-and-carriage tour loop for Lunenburg, and while our place isn’t a feature, it is a highlight for some because both Frank and Bob (horses, you understand) have decided that the spot right in front of my window is prime space for letting the turds fly. Of course, the drivers have a script for that.

“This is the best part of my job,” they say. “The souvenirs are free, if anyone is interested.”

Ho, ho, ho. That chestnut brings a chuckle from tourists at least 35% of the time.

So we always hear the same bit of the tour. Clip clop, clip clop coming up the street “…was built in 1874. Seven years later, his brother built his house next door; the two are. Nearly. Identical.”

At this point there are usually two or three cars behind the carriage that the driver waves by, or, again, the bathroom break. Anyway, there’s a lull in the tour, and often someone asks about real estate prices. Sensibly enough, because a third of residential Lunenburg is for sale, and another third is being spruced up for sale in the next year or two.

“So,” the tourist will say. “So, how much do houses around here go for?”

And every single time the driver will spout some horseshit(!) about how Lunenburg is very expensive by Nova Scotia standards, and I’ve never seen a house go for less than $250,000 in Lunenburg, and this one? This one right here? The one you’re pointing to? Well, that one wouldn’t go for anything under $500,000.

But, you see, Internet, I am connected to you. Fifty seconds of research and I find that the house across the street from us? The one they were pointing to? $279,000. NOT $500,000. And also, just down the street, there’s one for $215,000.

I’ll wait while you look at the interior shots. Nice, huh?

And another thing!

Tourist: What does UNESCO stand for? I know UN is United Nations, but what are the rest?
Driver: Well, actually, I don’t really know… [despite having been asked 32 times previously this summer alone]

Guys. Listen. United Nations Educational, Scientific, and Cultural Organization. They don’t keep it a secret.

But never mind. Sorry to have interrupted your rhythm.

“Have you ever seen a bear in a tree? Look to your left, there he is. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the smallest church in Lunenburg…”

Having said all this, I would like to take the tour someday (it’s $35 for 30 minutes; not in the budget) just to see what they have to say about our other, uh, landmarks.

**Another bit of our tour involves a door that’s quite crooked in the frame. Last year they had a script about not knowing whether the architect had lost his square by the time he got to the door, or whether he was just shit-faced.

But! This year! They mixed it up! One older fellow always tells his group that “it just goes to show you, nobody’s perfect” while a younger girl comes by proclaiming it’s the architect’s signature. And I just don’t know who to believe.