Smallish & Larger Annoyances in My Day-to-Day Existence
Please do not believe this list to be exhaustive.
1. small business owners who name their businesses with their own initials
2. people who have ever blown— or may someday blow— their noses in a restaurant dining room
3. although I have only ever read first- and secondhand accounts of his behavior, Gordon Ramsay
4. hypocrites, particularly those in positions of power. Although, I suppose you rarely hear about hypocrisy from those not in positions of power
5. being cold
6. being hot
7. being sticky
8. being itchy
9. chest freezers used as garbage recepticles alongside the road, particularly when the
word “garbage” is spray-painted along the side. Well, thank God you told me, I was this close to thinking it was a treasure chest.
10. my crunchy, stiff and uncooperative cervical spine.
11. when cooking show hosts say “Mmmmm… I wish this were smellovision.” Well, I can’t tell you how pleased I am that it is not. Because sometimes, however briefly, there are football huddles or farm animals or air fresheners on this television.
12. footless tights
13. action films; especially those whose titles end in “III” or “IV”
14. when people call into cross-country radio shows like Cross-Country Check-up (in
Canada) or Talk of the Nation (in the US) to comment on proposed legislation and preface their remarks by saying “Well, I haven’t read the legislation, but…” BUT NOTHING! SHUT UP!
15. the Inspector Lynley series on Mystery, though I have enjoyed a number of the books
16. table syrup posing as maple syrup
17. those who believe reality television has any basis in reality
18. grocery store smell; especially when it gets into my produce
19. earwigs in my laundry
20. The Silken Ladder by Rossini
21. never having witnessed a single game of cricket despite having lived within the British Commonwealth for nearly six years
22. having to walk through an opaque haze of cigarette smoke before entering a public building
23. I really hate it when I notice misuse of basic grammar or punctuation in government documents or advertising.
24. Incorrectly placed apostrophes, commas, quotation marks; it’s and its; or there, their, and they’re; or your and you’re; or then and than. Or, more privately, when numbers and letters are used in place of proper words [C U 2morrow 4 the big game, every1!] Or overuse of the ellipsis […] especially in email.
25. Unnecessarily large and intimidating passenger vehicles, and those who believe they deserve or need to drive them, particularly when this need is compounded with a disregard of road etiquette.
cap sleeves on just about anyone